


we have yet to see (the summit)

by mysticTwirl



Series: darling, you're a poet (you don't even know it) [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Adulthood, Bokuaka being life partners, Canon Compliant, Editor Akaashi Keiji, Established Relationship, Future Fic, Happy Ending, Light Angst, M/M, Pro Volleyball Player Bokuto Koutarou, Timeskip, making adult decisions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:49:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24994924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mysticTwirl/pseuds/mysticTwirl
Summary: "I am happy for you." Akaashi says, like he's practiced this before, like he knew it was inevitable.If a smile accompanies that statement, Bokuto doesn't want to see, not when their home has been quieter since its arrival, not when they should be talking when they clearly aren't.While Akaashi is nothing less than his fiance's biggest supporter, he sometimes forgets that Bokuto is his too.(or amidst adulthood and growing pains as a couple, Bokuto encourages Akaashi to chase his dreams.)
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji & Udai Tenma, Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Series: darling, you're a poet (you don't even know it) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1821622
Comments: 63
Kudos: 774





	we have yet to see (the summit)

**Author's Note:**

> For the dreamers who have reached their peak (but have really only just begun.)

The offer comes in an envelope, a contract detailing compensation, accommodation, benefits, and other adult stuff Bokuto is only half interested in. Its implications, however, are unavoidable.

Across him, his fiance’s expression remains neutral. They're in their apartment, two blocks away from the Jackals gym, a train ride from the office; it's their home.

"I am happy for you." Akaashi says, like he's practiced this before, like he has known of its inevitability.

If a smile accompanies that statement, Bokuto doesn't want to see, not when their home has been quieter since its arrival, not when they should be talking when they clearly aren't.

Akaashi opens his mouth to follow the statement but Bokuto cuts him off, "Don't," Akaashi's brows furrow.

"Don't say things like that," Bokuto doesn't know like what exactly but, "like you've already decided what I want."

The crease on Akaashi's brows deepen, his mask is slipping.

"It's a compelling offer, two years." It will be okay, Akaashi wants to say, I'll be fine.

"Which is why we should talk about this," Bokuto stresses, "together."

If permission is what Bokuto wants, surely, he knows Akaashi will grant it. It has nothing to do with the ring around his finger or even the joint property they share, Akaashi has always accepted that his beloved belonged to the world.

"I have no problem with the two years, it will be difficult but," the knot in his stomach is tight, "we will be okay."

And that's what Akaashi has rehearsed during the days leading up to this conversation. He has privately mulled over their future during his coffee breaks, in between editing, on the train during his commute. None of his thoughts can comfort him through the anxiety of separation but he has the will to keep a brave face. He is nothing less than his partner's biggest supporter and will ultimately want to see him reach his goals- even at the expense of his own happiness.

Relief is what Akaashi expects but the opposite is what he gets. Bokuto's face is scrunched into a grimace, his eyes are wide and his mouth almost trembles. In all the years Akaashi has spent analyzing his fiance’s moods, this one he's unfamiliar with.

"How can you just say that?" Bokuto asks and it takes a considerable amount of restraint to not raise his voice, "How can you act like you aren't part of this decision too?"

Akaashi knows this, people will talk. Their families will not be happy with a two year long-distance relationship, they are already under much scrutiny for their long engagement. Their friends will worry, media will speculate, and pessimists will assume the worst.

Not that Akaashi has any doubts on Bokuto's devotion, the day they got engaged still remains the happiest day of their lives to date. They are no strangers to distance; their first years of dating were comprised of phone calls and constant texts while Bokuto competed abroad and Akaashi studied in university. They've managed to bridge the gap of distance through constant communication and thoughtful gestures; Bokuto's presence on the phone felt like a hug from a million miles away.

Things will be different, Akaashi knows, and surely Bokuto realizes this as well. They are no longer as young and have been spoiled by the life they have now. Having the flexibility to anticipate Bokuto's schedule and adjust to that, having a stressful but stable job Akaashi can immerse himself in, and having the time in between to just be together.

They were life partners long before the engagement. Bokuto always insist on doing the groceries, cleaning the apartment, and completing other chores even when he's at the brink of exhaustion from a long day of practice. Akaashi knows to double check his training bags to make sure he doesn't forget to bring his shoes, he knows how Bokuto likes both tasty and healthy meals, he knows that Bokuto plays better with him in the stands.

The term partner means that Akaashi will feel their separation, ache for his fiance like a missing limb. He'd have to say goodbye to their movie nights, the singing in the shower, the arms holding him as he sleeps; and Bokuto would lose that too. But privately Akaashi wonders if Bokuto will have much more to gain, being abroad and dedicating himself entirely to the sport once again. There will be lesser distractions, he can sleep earlier instead of waiting for Akaashi to come home from overtime, he can eat and live with his new team without managing a household, maybe it will be better for him if-

"I am aware that this is a life-changing decision, but I won’t allow you to deny yourself of opportunities for my sake." Akaashi is Bokuto's biggest supporter.

"And I won’t allow you to sit here making decisions for us." Bokuto says firmly, and Akaashi makes a sharp exhale, he hadn’t anticipated this retaliation.

Akaashi has thought about this, made sure to go through every possible scenario and outcome to justify this decision. He knows that Bokuto will benefit from international exposure, he knows that the offering team is highly skilled and will get them far. The money will be good, the chance to live abroad even better. Bokuto will love the hotter weather, the unique accents, new people to meet and places to explore. Akaashi is happy for him, his partner has always had dreams.

And Akaashi, well, he's always been content with reaching a semblance of satisfaction. 

"I am hurt," Bokuto starts, "that you think I would go without you."

Oh, that is unexpected.

"I want you to come with me," Akaashi thinks he might be crazy, "and see the world, see me play volleyball. Let's build a life elsewhere."

Akaashi inwardly shakes his head but dares himself not to move. Bokuto is speaking like his words aren't impossible; there is an underlying layer of hope in his voice, it is toying with Akaashi's emotions.

"That's impossible. I can't," Akaashi sighs, "I can't just leave what I have here and go with you. That would be irresponsible and unstable. I work in manga and speak Japanese; you can't just find a job elsewhere."

There are other concerns, their current properties, the scrutiny of their parents, just the sheer insanity of the proposal. Akaashi has gone through every scenario and going with Bokuto has never been feasible. But his fiance’s eyes still hold determination.

"I want you to come with me, it'll be new for both of us. I was thinkin' you could work on your own thing; write some poetry like you've always wanted."

His own thing, Akaashi scoffs, he didn't have his own thing beyond the occasional draft in his journal. That's the sacrifice of his highly demanding job, he worked with so many words to a point wherein he no longer had much of his own.

It's a thoughtful idea, but in the moment, it mocks the elephant in Akaashi's career, the elephant he's learnt to deal with since that fated rejection post-graduation. He has little regrets; he is able to provide well beyond the necessities. But the gap between what he wanted to be and what he is grows bigger by the day, Akaashi is tired of fighting it.

"What I have is stable and," safe, secure, predictable, "sufficient." Akaashi finishes lamely. "My mangakas rely on me and the management trusts my direction, it's a completely healthy environment."

"But are you having fun?" Bokuto asks and Akaashi groans. His fiancé had never grown out of his philosophy and while it is mostly endearing, today it contributes to the knot in Akaashi's stomach.

"Is it fun?" Akaashi could laugh, "There are a lot of things that are not fun but are still worth doing." It's like explaining this to the child; talking to an athlete who is currently living their life playing the sport they love the most, comes close. He doesn't expect his fiancé to understand, in the way he doesn't expect pro-players to understand why his own career had ended after high school, but Bokuto is being careless and it's toiling with his insecurity.

"You know I admire the job you do, Ji. You work so hard to guide the mangakas in creating art. You’re always there to draw out their best," Bokuto beams proudly, "you care about their work and you're good at that. But what about your own?"

Akaashi's own work is nestled within a portfolio that hasn't been touched in years. Akaashi's work is a nicely phrased review, an offhand well-formed comment, a casual conversation that would sometimes leave the recipient mildly impressed. If Bokuto is looking for words then Akaashi has many swirling in his head, haunting his subconscious, including the anxieties on this move which he so desperately is trying to keep.

Akaashi doesn't want to answer Bokuto with self-deprecation, he knows that his partner won’t take to that lightly. But how can he tell his fiancé that he simply isn't like him. He isn't chasing a dream in a national or international stage, he doesn't have an origin story or fans that will relate to him, he isn't like Bokuto Koutarou who rose to fame because of talent, grit, and a bit of luck.

Akaashi has not felt like a protagonist since their high school days and is perfectly content at that. He has had his moments; his first successful article in the school newspaper, winning awards for his writing here and there, even graduating with honors. He had felt like a protagonist when Bokuto had proposed to him on court, amidst screaming fans, and even when they were celebrated, surrounded by friends. But normal Akaashi is no star and starless people resign themselves to a mundane job.

"I appreciate that you care, I really do. I don't consider my life perfect, but I am content with what I have."

"But what about what we have?" Bokuto asks him and Akaashi doesn't know. Because he is content, but he's also giving it up to let his partner chase his dreams. If content was the word for now, what will be the word for after.

"Koutarou, I am nothing but happy with what we have now." Wrong answer, Akaashi thinks, because Bokuto's ears perk up like he's caught him in a contradiction. "But I care about you and want you to chase your dreams. I'd like nothing more than to see you shine to your fullest."

"But Keeeei-ji," he drags out, "I love you too and I want to see you chase your dreams. How is that any different?"

A sigh. "It just is."

"No, it's not." If the elephant were real, this would be the equivalent of Bokuto provoking it with a stick. Akaashi can almost see his fiancé tempting the beast with his bare hands. But elephants are known to be intelligent and rational and that's what Akaashi is. He wills himself to count to three, inhale, three again, exhale.

"I think we need to be serious about this. You said you wanted to decide together yet we haven't discussed any rational arguments." Akaashi looks at him, "You are my partner and I love you very much, but it's unfair of you to suggest the impossible when I've made it a point to approach this with logic."

"But I have thought about this with logic, I am not leaving without you." Akaashi opens his mouth to protest, but Bokuto cuts him off, "I love what we have together too, I couldn't ask for more. The Jackals are willing to increase my pay to keep me, the captain has been bugging me about it. We can throw this contract, and have it gone right now, and I won’t think twice."

The idea unsettles Akaashi.

"Going abroad scares me too. I don't think I am ready to settle in a new place or learn a different language and what if I can’t find any yakiniku out there. It's a big concern!" Bokuto smiles, "But I thought about how much fun it would be, to cross oceans and experience new things, it would be fun with you."

Bokuto reaches out to hold his hand, it trembles. "Frankly, I don’t care where I am as long as I am with you, and yes, playing volleyball too but it won’t be good without you."

Akaashi's lower lip starts to tremble and he wills himself not to cry. His resolve, the facade he has built to last him through this conversation, is crumbling because of the honest words of his boyfriend.

"I don’t," Akaashi chokes, and he doesn't know what to say. I don't understand why you won’t go. I don't understand how you can make this decision so easily. I don't understand why I am so lucky. But Bokuto understands all and laces their fingers together.

"I care about you. I care about your dreams," Bokuto scratches the back of his head with his other hand, "I've been thinking about this a lot and how I was going to tell you. You're kinda stubborn, but I know you mean well. I think you should chase your dreams too."

The dreams buried in his portfolio, the dreams that have only existed as a metaphorical elephant. While Akaashi is nothing less than his fiancé’s biggest supporter, he sometimes forgets that Bokuto is his too.

"You've always been the reason for where I am today," Akaashi wants to protest, Bokuto has gotten where he is because of his own hard work. "Don't look at me like that, you know it's true. From being the first setter to believe in me, to supporting me all these years. You were always a phone call away when I needed you. I have a notebook of weaknesses to prove it, the playlists, the good luck notes I keep in my bag, it's all you!" And Akaashi is happy to be his life partner.

"I know you're capable and dedicated but you've convinced yourself that you've peaked, and you aren't even thirty yet." Bokuto smiles at him, "I want you to give yourself the chance to succeed, choose something fun."

And Akaashi wants to choose fun, he wants to want things for himself without feeling guilt or self-doubt. He wants to live within uncertainty if it promises more freedom, a chance to escape the standards he has modeled his life by.

"If you're saying this, I assume you have a plan." Because in all the years Akaashi has been by Bokuto's side, the latter has done nothing but surprise him.

"They're really insistent on the offer, willing to negotiate to get my yes," he has a self-satisfied look, "they allow families to travel together, they've hosted international players before."

There's a weight on Akaashi's ring, he looks down to find Bokuto foundling it. "I told them that you would be my husband if they'd allow it here, you are my most precious family, and they instantly agreed."

Oh, the liberalism of countries who see love for what it is. It is not the first time Bokuto had directly referred to Akaashi as family, they've been to each other's respective gatherings, it certainly is the first time it was accepted without protest.

Suddenly Akaashi feels light, as if the anxiety that had made a home in his chest had finally decided to move away. Maybe he should as well.

"But I'll be completely under your responsibility," Akaashi pinches the bridge of his nose, "financially and among other things."

Bokuto laughs, "Are you afraid of being my trophy husband?" Akaashi glares in response.

"It's not forever okay? And we'll be living under their graces so they're technically financing our lives." Akaashi is still glaring.

"We both have enough savings to support you investing your time in writing. You, in particular, have been saving even before graduation." Well, Akaashi supposes he had a point.

"You're so used to a strict work schedule, but you don’t need to be policed to work hard. Have a bit of fate in yourself, Keiji." Maybe Akaashi's biggest foil is his lack of self-confidence but Bokuto could more than make up for it.

"This is crazy," Akaashi says because it is. It is crazy that they are here discussing it like adults, it is crazy that he is even considering it. It is crazy that his fiancé, during the time Akaashi thought he was using to delay this discussion, was actually planning a roadmap to its feasibility.

He feels his heart swell three sizes over, how lucky to be loved wholeheartedly.

"Well we've done crazier things," he jokes, maybe referring to their elaborate engagement, or the public excitement their relationship brought, or the stupid things they did in private, or the ever-growing list of things that made their relationship fun.

"I guess I like crazy though," Akaashi looks at their joined hands and up to Bokuto's blinding smile. He likes their life, he likes their home and their routines, being able to adapt and adjust to each other's schedules. But above all, he likes being by Bokuto's side. How had he been willing to give this up just moments ago.

Akaashi knows he will continue to worry. Worry about writing his resignation and breaking the news to his coworkers, his parents will have their doubts, friends will ask questions, and the fans will despair at having to wait two years to see 'volleyball's cutest couple'.

Akaashi will worry about his unemployment and the idea of being his own boss. In a few days, he will go through his writing and find the words he's long abandoned. In a few weeks, he'll despair and question whether he still remembers how to write. There will be days laced with regrets of having given up routine for the unknown, and doubts and hesitations at his own writing. He will fall in love with his words and fall out of love, just to repeat the cycle until he is able to string the right ones together to embody the feelings trapped in his chest.

But today, Akaashi is excited, because in all of his years sticking to routine, he has always wondered how freedom would feel. Apparently, Bokuto wonders the same for him. He would never be the type to embark on an unconventional path, but years ago, he would never think of himself as the type to be a literature student.

*

Akaashi had completed his first year in university with exceptional grades, ones that will guarantee him acceptance in any major of choice. His parents tell him that business would be safe, his relatives push medicine or law, but it's Bokuto, miles away playing internationally, that tells him-

"It's no good if you're not having fun."

\- to be brave.

Amidst the scrutiny and the impending judgement from his elders, 2nd year university student, Akaashi Keiji, chooses literature.

*

Today, Akaashi is looking the elephant in the eyes, and it looks back at him expectantly. He's always encouraged Bokuto to chase after his dreams, why shouldn't he be allowed to do so too.

"I love you," his fiancé breaks his trance. No underlying meaning, just facts, Bokuto says it like it's the most natural thing to him.

Akaashi wants to say, thank you, for insisting on this conversation regardless of my stubbornness, for thinking about our future when I've only been thinking about yours, for not wanting to separate just as much as I do. But Akaashi knows that Bokuto has learnt to read him like the book he has yet to write. That his words, although not published, have existed within the confines of their relationship, smoothing edges and bringing poetry to motion. Bokuto knows how to take care of Akaashi just like how Akaashi has mastered taking care of him.

"I love you too." He will continue to say, long after they've traded their rings for more 'official' ones, long after they've packed, unpacked, and moved again.

*

After, comes the technicalities, the adult-side to this decision. Akaashi will take the liberty of reviewing the contract twice before questioning Bokuto on his negotiation skills. The latter has no qualms on where they’re going to live, _which is really irresponsible Koutarou_ , but he looks to his better half to sort it out.

They’ll have to save, as though they weren’t gainfully employed youths living a prior modest life. Akaashi will look for someone to manage their properties, Bokuto will make sure that their families are taken care off. There are no goodbyes, just see you laters, but they both enjoy the attention from their loved ones.

“You’ve grown up,” Udai will say to him, and he won’t have the words to respond. It's bittersweet to part with someone who has only been an instrumental figure in his career, who he has grown and created with through the best and worst times. Akaashi knows that he will miss this solidarity they’ve cultivated in the workplace, above all, they've become friends.

"I am proud of you," Udai beams, sincerely, with no trace of resentment. It's a smile that says good luck, it's a reassurance that nothing has ended.

“Udai-san,” he can only respond, sentimentality stuck on his lips. There is a multitude of things he wishes to say, a range of thank yous and appreciation for the better parts of his early career. A sincere gratitude for the opportunities he was given, the mentorship, and mostly, the acceptance. “Please don’t drink too much coffee all the time and try to sleep at normal hours.”

It’s the right thing to say because Udai laughs, and then, Akaashi laughs, and it no longer feels like a farewell.

“You should heed your own advice, Akaashi-kun,” he teases, “and thank you, for everything, whatever you are trying to say, I feel the same way.” It would be ridiculous to cry in front of your boss while handing-in your resignation letter, Akaashi feels the tears build up anyways.

“It was a complete honor, I,” he takes a deep breath, “I wouldn’t be where I am without your guidance. Thank you for trusting me to be your partner.” He can already imagine Udai’s name on the acknowledgements section of the first writings he will publish, a concrete way to honor his influence.

“Don’t be a stranger, Akaashi-kun,” Udai reassures, “I still expect to see some updates on your wonderful life abroad, and I’ll need to say goodbye to Boku-kun in person too.”

He gestures towards the letter, “You know, I’ve always thought that I would be seeing this a bit earlier into our time together.” He laughs, fondly, “Being an editor is hard, and I knew you’d want to get into literature eventually, I can’t believe my luck, to have had you for as long as I did.”

“You don’t need to apologize for chasing your dreams,” he accepts the letter, “not to me, not to anyone, and not to yourself. You’ve always had it in you, Akaashi-kun, no one believes in you more than me."

In his office, there is a framed poster of Zombie Knight Zombish next to the anniversary cover of Meteo Attack. Figurines of their protagonists on top of the side table, a bookshelf filled with completed manga. A pile of drafts lazily swept away, additional binders of shared research, a manifestation of their labors.

“You need to show me okay, what you manage to come up with,” there’s a challenging glint in his eyes, “I need to make sure my editor isn’t planning on slacking off.”

“You can expect good things from me,” Akaashi tells him. They’re surrounded by Udai’s legacy, one he has had the pleasure of contributing to, but now it’s time for him to start his own; the mangaka understands.

Akaashi is in the middle of making the craziest and most impulsive decision of his adult life. He’s in his mid-twenties, not the ideal time to be dropping everything to search for himself. It goes against everything he’s previously stood for, and his impulsion is seen as both reckless and romantic by many. But he’s also been smiling more, so he figures that adulthood isn’t the most complicated concept to navigate. 

It’s weird to call it _adulting_ when he’s just doing what he’s been doing since high school- staying by Bokuto’s side. It’s the evolution of a partnership, from captain and vice-captain, to boyfriends, and fiancés- just two boys facing the world together.

At times, Akaashi can hardly believe that they’re allowed so many liberties as adults, when at their core they’re still the same teenagers who dreamed of stars. When he’s beside Bokuto, he doesn’t feel like he’s growing older (or wiser, he’d add cheekily), instead, he feels the need to know more, to explore more, to be more.

So, as their move comes closer, they answer questions as expected. Yes, we know about the living arrangements and what to anticipate when we get there. Yes, we’ve coordinated with our contacts and know about-

But there are answers to many questions they do not know, questions that no one asks. No, we don’t know what to explore first when we get there, we’re open to anything. No, we don’t how to pay our bills, we’re hoping someone will help us. No-

\- not everything is planned, we aren’t scared, just terribly excited.

The reality of a new team has reached Bokuto’s nerves and he thinks of food to cope, Akaashi is inching towards his journal and wrestling the last remnants of self-doubt. It’s a similar scenario to their dynamic over the years, different problems, but together they overcome.

*

8 months after their conversation, a one month's notice, two days’ worth of flights and a layover in between, boxes and missing items- they rebuild their home.

Bokuto is in practice, Akaashi googles the meaning of flowers, and brings pen to paper. Today he works facing the balcony of their guestroom-turned-office, perhaps tomorrow he will find a quiet cafe to people watch. He may opt to write while sitting next to the ocean, just as long as he keeps his papers in their binders when the winds blow. He may also take a stroll in the city's park, past the cheers and laughter of locals enjoying the weather; he could find a tree to sit under and think.

Today, Akaashi writes an update on his blog, fleeting thoughts on growth and navigating foreign spaces. He edits and revises his own works, remaining critical of the output but proud of his progress. The time is a quarter past noon, every minute is his.

Tonight, Bokuto will come home with the groceries and insist on tidying the living room, while Akaashi cooks them a meal reminiscent of home. They'll talk and laugh about their day and things in between. Bokuto will boast about a new spike he's mastered and share stories about the new team, Akaashi will update him on his progress and the hundreds of ideas he wishes to pursue.

Sometimes, Akaashi takes control of the conversation and his words tumble out like a waterfall. He feels excited, rested, and a bit restless, more alive than he's ever been. He'll notice and apologize for being overeager which Bokuto counters with a shake of his head.

"Go on," he says, "I enjoy hearing you speak." I enjoy hearing you happy, I want to know more about the world in your mind.

So Akaashi speaks and writes, he owns every minute. The independence is new but not unwelcomed, with every day that passes, he feels a bit more like the protagonist he wants to be.

It's a new country, a new apartment, but the same home. Across the table, Bokuto reaches to intertwine their fingers.

Akaashi lets himself be held.

**Author's Note:**

> Edit 11/7/20: Yes, I added Udai into this
> 
> The last story I wrote was almost 10 years ago, back when I was in high school. Now, times have changed for better or worst; I am a college graduate trying to fall back into writing and fandom. So, this piece is dedicated to people like me, who feel like they’ve peaked but still have many years ahead to grow and be happy. I see myself as a lot like Akaashi in his tendency to overthink, but I am sure he’ll be alright. We all deserve motivation through these times. Feel free to leave comments on how I can improve.
> 
> Let’s connect, I write HC posts on [tumblr](https://fluffysparklyham.tumblr.com/) and laugh and practice writing on [twitter](https://twitter.com/itsfluffyham). See you there!


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